I was born in Bristol Indiana, 1989 I don't remember that town at all but that's where I got this name of mine I grew up on books, mistakes, knee scrapes and tree climbing In a sunken island, in Utah, I was shy but never realized it Would turn into a dragon, keeping me inside my walls at all times I used to hide when we had company, but didn't recognize the fault lines Then again what's fine for a child isn't always for a grown man I kept each monster on a short leash, as many as I could hold in I used to have blond curls, when I was younger, only knee high Mom says all along I've had the same big brown eyes A tempest inside each pupil swallowed by a hungry night sky A solar eclipse that only hints of amber light on the outside Strangely solemn and serious, even since I was a young age My parents read me books, I was sure I'd be a great writer one day The only thing that came quicker was my impulse to run away From anything that might expose me, like film to a sunray As I grew, so did my personal mythology, I always knew I had something important to do, if I could only follow through Me and my friends would play games of make believe So I built fantasies when problems came to make them leave My first day, of school was second grade, quite exciting I still remember being called on, the fear striking like lightning I was bright then, but worked slow as cold molasses Had trouble seeing the sense in school, even after I was fit with glasses Years past as they do, I grew and I grew Dropping in and out of school taking odd jobs, with people I knew Teen years, rebellion, mohawk, destruction of property Disgusted with country that ate war and shit poverty Insomnia, procrastination, anxiety, depression I built a little lost city out of all of my broken lessons Fear and doubt became the cell that I slept in I was introduced to poetry and started writing confessions The burnt rubber smell of Armageddon, or of empire ending The taste of loneliness, the weight of a sentence Feeling dragged through the crush and the exhaust Hoping for some great escape, I guess I found hip-hop Never mind I didn't know the first this about rhythm or song writing It painted the walls of the cell where I had spent so long hiding Plus I was destined to write, burn bright, and inspire Problem was not being a person that I could admire Each setback damn near broke my young heart open Forgetting that true love and wisdom aren't spoken I had to learn the art of stained glass romance and start over And out come the wolves of doubt, smelling that hearts odor I'd think – I'm wasting my time, I'm not good enough for it Or I'd think – no one will understand me, they'll ignore it Which ran in contradiction to my fire and conviction Moods swung like a pendulum, more was thought then was written As more years were swallowed by times greedy maw Me searching for purpose, for peace, for cause Always waiting impatient for meaning to bloom I moved out to Portland to a shoe box sized room Hoping to find truth in the rubble of the struggle I lived If truth be told, I think I was in trouble and running again The perfect getaway right? nothing to float me there but my art Fulfilling a dream, sink or swim in a tank full of live sharks A change of scenery found me catatonic, frozen with fear Never heard that in cities things are never as close as they appear Shoulder to shoulder with strangers some of my loneliest years Long walks under grey watercolor skies that shed tears No blame in it, no glory, two years, two apartments, no job Borrowing money from family, just to hold the cold off Went hungry, lived drama, ended up homeless Crashing in an RV as broke as me and the girl who owned it Life charged me with change, trial by fire, judged flammable Learned a little about being a man and a lot about being an animal I lost lovers, lost time, wrote a few songs, a few poems Traveled, unraveled, tied knots, grew, decomposed But somewhere in the laughter, or the pause between breaths I was starting ever so slowly to believe in myself Simple unsung victories, held in the still quiet of my nature I had strength enough if I'd but stop running and stay here My own fire started burning brighter, as I made fuel of my ghosts Melting the ice fear had place like rope 'round my throat Decrystallization of everything that had held me in stasis Done waiting, I'm going to make it like no but me can make it No kings, my own hero, fuck a cynical spin A celebration of living daily, feeling good in my skin Telling the story of the moment that a shy little kid Met his challenges wide eyed, and didn't pretend

There's a pulse inside my veins from the heart beating in my chest Faulty wiring inside my head that needs to be reset At night I dream, my dreams are strange, bright, fantastic and complex When I wake my dreams are ashes I exhale with every breath This may seem downright depressing but the lesson isn't this No lesson is expressed except that there's no lie made to impress So I'm laid or get a check, get on stage or get some press It's interesting how all our wants and fears connect within a mesh Obsessive and possessed with all the things that I've been hunting All the dreams I never lived I guess I didn't learn from Lucy Live a life of no regrets by the time I think that I've progressed I seem to hit a fence evolution is a mess when we easily regress That's how I realized life's not a path that we must trek But a dance that we're all dancing where we improvise the steps There's a bigger me in the field outside okay? One I can't see when I don't feel okay Life's coming at me with the force of a tidal wave Right now, bite down, doesn't matter the time of day There's a pattern in my head that tries to make me feel downtrodden Plus no news is good news and the news anchors just won't stop talking I try to know what's going on and so I just keep watching The signal has been failing the noise shows no sign of stopping Sense is lost inside the chattering, people running out of batteries Wondering how bad it is, blaming political candidates The system is corrupt as fuck, but it's us who comprise society Watch as Humpty teeters on live TV House of cards in a gale force wind watch 'em scatter Card tower empire watch as Humpty Dumpty shatters Termites just might just bite this timber to tatters Lights blind these eyes these highs aren't quite as advertised Adverse side effects, as long as I got texts My tech IV drip, I'll be set wires my tourniquet Now turn me inside out, shut me inside the internet The pixels lit, now picture this House of cards in a gale force wind watch 'em scatter Card tower empire watch as Humpty Dumpty shatters Termites just might just bite this timber to tatters Lights blind these eyes these highs aren't quite as advertised There's a bigger me in the field outside okay? One I can't see when I don't feel okay Coming at me with the force of a tidal wave Right now, bite down, doesn't matter the time of day

Lights out, thoughts projecting the Sights now, drawn on retina Song of setting sun, dyes clouds Impossible colors in bright shrouds Film developed in dark rooms Eyes shut mind becomes light source Stillness envelop as art blooms Balloons fill, endless expansive Wind blown weightless dancers Shapes of aimless grandeur Play polka dot on the sky's dress Prove that highlighters fly best Smiles are bridges that swing low Provider so villagers reach home Height reveals what we know The rise is relative to deep lows We go up... Gazing inward encounter lush scenery In days of winter, found greenery Gardens of old wounds in full bloom Heart is a seed hard as can be Broken open so growth can begin Tribulations given patience Till fertile soil, so peace takes root Bears fruit of these paid dues Inner seasons in endless cycle Inner demons, put men on trial Crystal clear and razor sharp Then disappear and fade to dark Leaks levee spring, yes, seek steady streams Everything is everything No constraints holding you We contain multitudes Of up A peak of ash warmed by the sun Feet that climb and light that runs Dream has ended stay awake Night will build what day will break Fractals of an opening Staying shut, such hopeless thing Face the music, feed the Muse Fate is easily amused The moon is silver full and good The tune is wind through rock and wood Patterns appear that run through space Restless is the one who waits Breathless as the plunge we take Are those who swim beneath the waves But we who move by hoof and foot Dream of wings to take us up If we could only rise above this Leaden heart and gut that plummets But gravity is merciless Fight it you'll be the first to quit So we learned to plant build and grow We learned to harvest, till and hoe And sing to make our spirits rise Through lowest lows and highest highs And prove that we have an enterprise As endless as our inner skies Not fenced in by circumstance We overcome through art and dance Gateways found in solitude The strength to be and follow through The wisdom needed to hold our own And when the time comes let it go Up Skin prickles eyes dilate Space becomes an ear and you're the hearing The world is eye and you the seer The you. you thought was you, disappears Releasing like one great sigh Punctuated by a greater silence

We build our lives out of concepts, beliefs and emotion Steered by data, inner guidance, vices, slogans We dive in, make messes, make mistakes, get broken Heal, hope for the best , learn lessons, start over Impatient want things as quick as fingers snap Then look back thinking it all leaves so fast Creatures of contradiction, sometimes it seems we get sick To conquer our addictions and see the bigger picture Life opens eyes and irises, that's why the skies as high it Possibly can be, creation's expanding Make space or get crushed by the weight of the damn thing Make way for the rush as the dams come crashing down See we give a little take a little back Whittle down the things that hold us Sure, it's all connected, sure those roads get treacherous But that is just a step, the best of it feels effortless I'm building my house in my promise land I'm making my story anywhere I am Hey, what's up family, how are we feeling currently Sometime what I see worries me Seems we hurry to these burning screens Trying to feed our every earthly need Or we puff, puff, pass out, eat to fill our emptiness Drink until we black out, gossip when we're discontent Overstimulated hoping that our interest is held And all because we don't want to sit with ourselves I know because I'm right there in it I speak it because I bear witness Joy missing in this pursuit of happiness You don't need a mirror to see that's a backwards script We could blame a broken system Or build using love and new visions We can complain or do different Hate or pursue our interests I'm building my house in my promise land Have faith in your family, yes, we are the plan Everyone has challenges not to be judged or minimized We see the world differently, viewing it through different eyes And each one deserves respect and understanding But if we don't understand ourselves how can we understand our family Funny, but it's not just us monkeys Our building and money, vying for the sunbeams Thinking so would be a fool of a gambit See life runs rampant on this jewel of a planet We're not separate from the world that surrounds us Barriers are make believe, islands are just mountain tops And no matter how full our thoughts Space exists in all of us Nature's in our nature, our laughter rumbles in earthquakes Every creature on this planet shares genetics and a birth place We can build it together instead of watching it fall to pieces See dreams lived out because we worked and believed them In my promise land Have faith in your family, yes, we are the plan I'm building my house, in my promise land Have faith in your family, yes, we are the plan

On a day like today, not sure that I have a lot to say From the moment I woke up, an alarm going off in my brain My relationship to art is strange, twisted and strained It means so much to me, that it makes me afraid What if I'm never good enough, what if it leaves me What if I'm trying too hard and this is supposed to be easy What if I'm not trying hard enough wasting my best years completely It's hard to be motivated, I keep feeling defeated I called my mom on the phone told her that these waves had me sea sick My mom is a badass, she told me “fuck art, you don't need it” My emotional ups and downs are akin to a seesaw My hearts in my throat and my belly's s in free fall I drank three cups of coffee spent the day typing manic My rhymes pissed, confused, and smelling of panic I want to be authentic, but that can't just mean reactive I've been doing this for so long, and still feel so new at it And I'm not sure if it's enough, but it's all I've got all that I've got, all I've got, all I've got My pen and my rhymes, my heart and my time's All I've got, all I've got, all I've got I'm unsure where emcees are supposed to be confident I'm supposed to be boasting, but have trouble taking compliments Used to think I could make money at this, maybe I lack even common sense I don't know why I do it, all I seen is the consequence Well - never wanted a job, because I knew I'd rather do this shit When I'm not doing it I think about, when I leave it I miss it But now I'm getting older afraid of always being paid minimum wage What if my family gets sick, or I want my own home someday What if I'm too poor to travel, too tired to write? I'll be as strong as I need to, but that might kill me inside Something you love isn't supposed to weigh you down Stephen King said “life isn't a support system for art, it's the other way around” My life's a fucking mess, my art's barely getting off the ground I'm usually sitting on my hands while my head spins around I don't focus well, anxiety's the only other member of my band Be calm my squeaking heart, be still my shaking hands And I don't know if it's enough, but it's all I've got all that I've got, all I've got, all I've got My pen and my mind, my love and these rhymes All I've got, all I've got, all I've got Then it's back on the same bus back to work to get paid Either frustrated or isolated on any given day Writing verse after verse, before ripping up the page I can't seem to pick it up, but I can't put it away Every stage is temporary, as the cycle rolls But history seems nothing if not recyclable Bad habits, form bad habitats, or is it the other way around? Either way I'm dismayed and will likely just stay here and lay around Thinking maybe it's a puzzle it'll click in once I've got the order Basting in unspecified feelings of cosmic horror Basing my next move off of what I've done before Feeling dunce without a corner, Hagrid without Dumbledore Stumble core rap music, now everyone put your heads in the sand Then mumble it back to me while we stare confused at our own hands I'm not trying to play this up, I feel done with it, don't you? Now let's huddle together for warmth, while we come unglued And I don't know if it's enough, but it's all I've got All that I've got, all I've got, all I've got My family, my mind, my love and my spine All I've got, all I've got, all I've got And I don't know if it's enough, but it's all I've got All that I've got, all I've got, all I've got My family, my mind, my love and my spine All I've got, all I've got, all I've got

Never betray brethren, yes that goes for sisters too Better not to beat that drum of violence even when lifted by its vicious boom Don't get it confused, not a sermon but a mission statement If this were famous people would be dissecting it for payment Objective obtuse not just entertainment Step into my office sit, I'm about to make this obvious You're brilliant You ignoramus, it just takes some diligence some patience No one who makes millions just waits up But this really isn't about a pay stub My name is Adam Cedar better rapper than I am speaker It's my voice as Fantoms' beats are booming out your speakers Our souls screech like waxed floors do beneath your sneakers Freak your EQ's let your feet do what feet do Like Kasparov vs Deep Thought or Deep Blue This is a 42 for those of you who seek truth In chess moves, inkblots and novel plots I feel you, distraught Ever searching for an answer ever spurred on by a question Ever stuck inside an idea, this one and then the next one Never ever, ever after, ever changing, never static Life dreamed up god inside and attic a void darker than the blackest magic All mythology was born as a cipher for this action Monolith or monomyth the obscure if not clear made obvious Is all of this an odyssey or just an oddity that I exist Do I need a psychiatrist or is that just a lie that sits Burning on my tongue like an onion Wishing I could cry by my own volition Oh to be young again a shadow looms inside my vision My animosity isn't Jungian and I'm not partial to prophecy Life happens now hold somebodies hand if you're feeling me This is easily as beautiful as we can be This is for the terminally illiterate that intricate and cryptic shit With a flick I lit a cigarette feeling so disinterested With the thoughts inside my head Passion, we're not asking just Dancing, dancing, dancing past the monsters in the labyrinth Laughing, see we're here to make the best of this Drink in, life till there's nothing left of it Passion, we're not asking just Dancing, dancing, dancing past the monster in the labyrinth Laughing, see we're here to make the best of it Drink in life A clan of rabid animals, poets, saints and vandals all We rise and we fall dance steps in the bandits ball Damn it all and bless it too blessed be the one who's you Damage control, let's get glue, a life with holes is nothing new We all got our share of problems, hang-ups and closets Full of skeletons, fuck it and to hell with it, we got this Heaven sent is the hell we live, it makes you stronger Take dawn as your sword, living flesh as your armor New callouses – it's a wonder to land On your feet like Alice did, now you understand Truth is a rubber band, stretch it too far and you break it It can't cover you when naked but it's still the shape you make it Backwards, all talk but can't back your words Attack with words, like everything a competition Every swings not made for hitting Kids know this, how'd we forget it? I believe in kings as far as I can move them My conclusions not allusion Greed and fear are both illusions Making people fucking stupid Jerking around with a puppets movement Sick of the sound with nothing to it A rerun of a rerun of a rerun Makes me so fucking bored Season, after season, gets old Rip Van you can hear me snore We can't outrun our shadows We're in deep but acting shallow War and peace are frames of mind Breathing deep is half the battle People beef and act like cattle Don't see fangs just hear the rattle Passion, we're not asking just Dancing, dancing, dancing past the monsters in the labyrinth Laughing, see we're here to make the best of this We drink in life, till there's nothing left of it Passion, we're not asking just Dancing, dancing, dancing past the monsters in the labyrinth Laughing, see we're here to make the best of this We drink in life